More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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