This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
