I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
