It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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