it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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