my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
