John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
