Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
