Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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