It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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