And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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