i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
soo... how was my night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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