She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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