I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
