His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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