hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
