if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
