I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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