oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
