2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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