He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
