I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
