Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i've created a new STD.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
