You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
