thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
