he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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