this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
