i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
two words: eviction party
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
