theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
