I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
