turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
