I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
