Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
