the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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