I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
