when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
