Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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