yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
