I just pynch a tree in the face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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