you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
