do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
