nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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