i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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