My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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