So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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