he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
