dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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