THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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