i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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