Moan for me like Helen Keller
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
