i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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