He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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