My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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