I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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