Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
