just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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