ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
