Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
