I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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