the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
