new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
