I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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