is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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