i don't like sucking hair
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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