My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
