I think im going to throw up on grandma
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
