Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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