Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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