is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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