Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
