you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
